


Think about it (or Don’t)

by Kileykao



Series: Don’t Think About It [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series) RPF
Genre: Multi, Polyamory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 07:52:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17219921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kileykao/pseuds/Kileykao
Summary: They don’t talk about. What they are to each other.(They probably should at some point)





	Think about it (or Don’t)

**Author's Note:**

> This ended up being longer than I thought it would be. Opps.

Later, Sam won’t remember what the four of them were drinking. He’ll just remember sitting sandwiched together on a couch that was not meant to hold four people in his and Q’s shitty LA apartment with Liam and Amy. It was nearly seven months after Liam and him had met on a panel in New York, and quickly decided to be best friends. The TV was playing something in the background, but none of them were really watching it. Their drunken conversation was holding most of the attention at that point. 

The four of them had already worked their way threw more than a few bottles of whatever it was that they were drinking, and Liam was properly trashed. He was sitting almost completely in Sam’s lap by that point, and none of them said anything about it.   
Him and Liam had always been a certain level of touchy. 

It was Amy who suggested that they should just kiss already.

It was Liam who would press his lips against Sam in a quick cliqued kiss. It was meant as nothing more than a joke. It was Sam who pulled Liam back into a deeper, and proper kiss. 

Sam won’t remember most of that night, but he will remember the four of them pressed together skin to skin in a bed that was not meant to hold four people. He will remember looking down at sight of Liam with his mouth around his dick for the first time, and the feeling of warmth and Liam’s quick tongue. The feeling of Amy pressed against his back, her mouth on his neck, and the sight of Q’s fingers wrapped in Liam’s hair as his mouth moved up and down his length.

(Sam is pretty sure that none of them thought that whatever it is that their doing would be an actual thing. That it was a one and done type of deal. It wasn’t in anyway a one time thing, and Sam wouldn’t want to forget any of their time spent together.)

The first time that Liam put Hamlet into his arms. The tiny human was barely a week old, small, and still smelled like new baby. It was really something looking down at a little tiny version of Liam and Amy. He wrapped tightly in a blue dinosaur blanket, a scruff of light hair on his head, and really fucking small. 

Sam remembers looking down at the tiny baby and thinking that this tiny thing must be protected at all costs. 

(Sam doesn’t think he will ever forget that moment of holding Hamlet for the first time or the soft kiss Amy pressed on to his lips when he softly placed him back into her arms)

Liam and Sam were pressed together skin to skin in a hotel room somewhere in the middle of nowhere America for a convention they were both invited to for one of the various different anime they were apart of. 

Hotels rooms, and the things you could do in them were fun.   
Sending pictures of Liam pressed into crisp white Hotel room sheets to Q and Amy was just as much fun. 

(Amy would send back a picture of Q, with her hair halos around her head and shoulders, pressed down into the sheets of Sam and Q’s bed. It was a nice picture, Sam and Liam approved of it. And somewhat dirty Hotel Room pictures became something of a bad habit between them)

(Later in life, hotel room pictures got more tame, and less risqué. Less about sex and more about missing one another. Later in life, it would a picture of Liam starfished out on the bed, jet lagged and bone tired. And in return they would get a picture of one of the kids covered in food or paint or something else equally as messy) 

Hamlet is sixteen the first time he asks Sam what the four of them’s relationship is. It happens a week and a half after the oldest of the children found Sam and Amy pressed together with hands in places they probably shouldn’t of been knowing that kids would be home soon. 

Sam doesn’t really have an answer to what they are. 

They've spent a long time avoiding talking about what is that they are to each other. The four of them love each other. The four of them have sex with one another. The four of them are raising their children together. 

Hamlet asks if his mom is cheating on Liam with him. Sam tells him no, it's not cheating. Liam knows what him and Amy do sometimes when it’s just the two of them. He tells Hamlet that Amy knows that sometimes him and Liam have sex, and Amy and him know that sometimes Q and Liam have sex. 

The four of them may not talk about their relationship, but the four of them don’t keep secrets from one another. They may avoid labeling whatever the fuck it is that they have like the plague, but they’re smart enough to know that they need to talk for their thing to keep working as seamlessly as it does now. 

(There is a part of Sam who wants to forget the look on Hamlet when he asks that question. The rest of him will never forget the look on his face when Sam struggled to answer)

It was a Monday in the middle of June and Terminator was still young enough that she needed a midday nap to make it threw the day. Him and Q had been trying to get her to fall asleep for well over an hour, only to be met with the Terminator’s tears, and the loud noise of construction on the other side of the house. At some point Q suggested that he take her somewhere else and to get her sleep. 

They play Rock, Paper, Scissors and Sam loses. 

He puts Terminator into her car seat, her face red and wet from tears, and still mostly screaming her head off. 

He goes to Liam and Amy’s house. He knows that no one will be there at One O’Clock in the afternoon, Sam has a key, and it will be a quiet place for Terminator to take a nap. 

He unlocks the door, his daughter in his arms mostly done throwing her temper tantrum, and puts her on the floor in the living room. She pads over to the toy box in the corner of the room and pulls out a stuffed bear that probably belongs to one of Liam’s kids and a doll that Sam has a vague memory of buying. 

Sam spreads out one of the pink fuzzy blankets that had been left on the couch and lets his daughter be. He grabs Liam’s laptop and gets to work answering the emails that have piled up in his inbox. A half hour later the Sam hears the front door open and Terminator runs and he hears her shout Mommy and can hear Amy talking softly back to her. 

Ten minutes later Amy comes into the room dressed in pajamas and sets Terminator down on the ground and she goes back to her blanket and spread of toys. Amy drops down next to Sam, and arranges herself so her feet are in Sam’s lap and asks if Q is still picking the kids up from school. 

Sam answers yes and they let the quiet of Terminators soft talking and the clicking of keyboard keys wash over them. 

(Really its moments of peace like this that Sam doesn’t want to forget)

Sam was half drunk in the backyard of Amy and Liam’s house. It was dusk, and the party that was going on around him was winding down. He had a plastic champagne flute filled with some kind of alcohol between two fingers and was half asleep. Every now and again someone that he knows from working different VO gigs comes over and says goodbye to him. 

He mumbles something back to them that is an acceptable goodbye, and more time passes. Eventually there are only a few stragglers left in the backyard, and his plastic glass is empty. He sees Liam across the yard talking to someone that Sam probably would be able to tell you where he knows them from if he was sober. Right now he’s tired and drunk and has no clue how it is that he know them.

He’s debating getting up to claim back Liam for cuddles when Amy drops down into his lap. Her dress bunches up around her, and she shifts enough so that she can drop her head into Sam’s neck. Sam huffs a laugh and asks if she’s tired. He doesn’t get a response, instead one of her hands wraps around his neck and the other pulls at his tie and exposes more skin that her lips quickly find. 

He can see Liam watching the two of them from across the yard. He can also see Liam lick his lips when Sam lets the hand on Amy’s back drift a little bit lower. 

(That night ends with the four of them pressed together in bed. It's a good night)

The first time that Liam and Sam are left alone with Hamlet, he’s six weeks old and still really fucking tiny. Sam doesn’t remember where Amy and Q went off to, but they two of them left them alone with the baby. 

Hamlet slept the entire time their wives were gone, and Sam nor Liam took their eyes off of the infant for more than a minute. They were both half convinced that if they took their eyes off of him something bad would happen. 

(In comparison, the first time Sam and Liam are left alone with all four children, there way less panic involved. Jumping from three kids to four is an easy jump to make. Jumping from no kids to a six week old is culture shock)

The second worst day of Sam’s life is a Thursday. The day starts normal. He makes breakfast for three kids. Kisses Liam and Q goodbye when they leave before him. He puts Hamlet on the school bus and drives Romper Stomper to her school and then Keanu to daycare. He goes to work, he talks into a microphone in a goofy voice for a few hours. He calls Amy while he’s eating lunch. He talks into a microphone some more, gets a text from Liam that he got the older two kids from school, but that he needs to get Keanu. 

He picks up his son from daycare and drives back to his and Q’s house to meet up with Liam and the other kids. 

The house had a vague smell of something burning and was quiet. After a second there was the pitter patter of small feet and Hamlet and Romper Stomper were crashing into him and pulling him towards the kitchen and rambling about how there was something wrong with dad. 

Sam was pulled into the kitchen and was greeted by the sight of Liam on the floor, his knees pulled to his chest, with his head down and hands over his ears. 

He put Keanu down into his highchair and sank down on the floor next to Liam. 

Liam looked up at him and his cheeks were wet. 

He pulled Liam into his chest and had no idea how to fix this. 

(Liam and his relationship was easy. He knew how to make Liam happy even at his worst and Liam grounded him when he was drifting. This, something that no one knew how to fix and with Liam in tears, it left Sam wondering how to make Liam happy again. They would figure it out eventually)

They start playing D&D for their stupid podcast. They drag along some of their friends. 

Like a lot of things in Sam and Liam’s lives, they thought it would be a one time thing. 

Spoiler Alert: it wasn’t. 

They keep playing. They get invested into this story that they are building. They get invested in the characters they’re playing. 

Liam and him, like many things in their lives, have fallen into a routine on dnd days. Most times they drive over to whoever's house their game day is being held at in Liam’s car, while Amy and Q spend the day together with the kids. 

Sam and Liam generally go home to climb into bed together with their wives, and on rare occasions when wild things happen in the game, they go to the opposite house of where they know their families are and fall into bed with one another. 

The moment their soon to be little found family realized that Liam and him were more than just friends is after an intense battle where at one all of the SHITS thought they were done for. 

They are all teary eyed and wreaked after they’ve all made it to safety. When Matt says there gonna take a bathroom break, Sam makes his way over to Liam pulling him into a hug. He’s content to let the rest of his tears out in Sam’s arms and they let the time of their break pass. 

When everyone starts settling into the table again, Sam starts pulling away to go back to his chair when Liam pulls him into a kiss. Its a quick peck on the lips, and before he lets Sam pull completely away Liam whispers “I love you”

No one says anything about it. 

(Travis asks about it a week later when the two of them run into each other at a recording session and decide to get lunch together. Travis asks bluntly if him and Liam were sleeping together. Sam says yes, and before Travis can say anything about cheating, Sam says that it’s more of a four way thing than a cheating thing. Nothing more is said about. Nothing really changes, except Sam and Liam being a little more touchy at the their games)

When they were younger and fresh faced to LA, they four of them would spend Christmas together. Plane tickets are expensive, and the four of them, even if they wouldn’t admit it yet, are a family. 

They would spend time pressed together in bed wearing nothing more than boxer and sports bras, pretending to watch christmas movie while doing explicit things, than eating dinner with Die Hard on in the background. 

(Later in life, after kids are added the mix, Christmas together are rare. Its phone calls from opposite ends of the country, than phone calls from DC to New Jersey. One year in the mix of their crazy lives, Sam’s mom is in town for Christmas and takes all four kids out to do vaguely Christmas things on the 26th, leaving the house empty to the four of them to watch Christmas movies in their underwear.)

Romper Stomper is the only ones of the kids to ever ask if there was a chance that their other male parent was actually their father. She’s old enough to somewhat understand what the four of theirs relationship is, but hasn’t outright asked what their relationship is yet. 

They explained to her that if it matters to her, they can find out if Sam is her father. 

But to them, it doesn’t matter. Liam is her dad and Sam is her papa. To them it doesn’t matter which one of their kids came from where.   
They then ask her if finding out would change anything.   
Romper Stomper thinks about it for a minute, than say no, it wouldn’t. 

(All four kids are equal parts all four of them. Their a family, the kids call themselves brothers and sisters, and they are one mess of family. That’s what matters to him)

Sam was alone with all four of the kids the first, and only time, one of the kids used the argument ‘but your not my real dad’. Q was working a job up in Canada for a month, while Liam and Amy were back in New Jersey to deal with family matters, and left the kids with Sam for the weekend. It’s not the first time he’s been left by himself with four kids, and it's not the last. 

It’s Hamlet, who on the night after his parents left town, is sitting in front of the TV playing some kind of video game that Sam only kind of recognizes. The first time Hamlet says five more minutes, Sam leaves him be to rangle the other kids in bed. The second time Hamlet says five more minutes, Sam gives it to him only because Terminator is calling for him. 

The third time, Sam says your five minutes is up, and waits in the doorway of the room, looking expently at the pre-teen. Hamlet doesn’t budge. Sam says it’s time for bed again, and Hamlet says “Your not my real dad, you can’t tell me what to do,”. There a moment of silence that washes over the two of them, both staring wide eyed at each other, before Hamlet moves turning of the game, and pushing past Sam to go assumingly to bed. 

(There is a certain feeling that washed over Sam that he will never forget, and a certain look on Hamlet face of immediate regret that washed over him that Sam won’t forget either. The next morning, the oldest boy pulled Sam into a hug and tearily said that he was sorry papa.)

(It’s a feeling of dread that washed over Sam. One that washes over him, and sets deep in his bones. Later, he would pull Liam on top of him and let the Jersey Native ground him, and wash away the funk. They don’t talk why Sam’s upset.)

(Liam pulled down on top of him in the early hours of the morning, not talking about why Sam is upset, the voice of Hamlet in the back of his head saying he’s not his real dad is the moment Sam realizes they should probably talk about what they are.)

The streaming of their dnd game was weird. The fact that so many people were just as invested in it was also weird. The fact that after three years of streaming and two more years of playing at home that they were one week away from closing the book on these characters was even weirder. 

It was emotional. It was a lot. Sam, just wants to go home and crash in bed with his family. Liam stops him short of his car, and pulls him towards his. It was rare that they were actually took the same car going to the studio, but they always ended up in the same place at night. 

(Some habits are hard to break)

Liam pushes him towards the passenger seat, and then walks around to the drivers side climbing in behind the wheel of the car. They sit there for a moment, Liam looking towards him, the car silence and off, before he says “I love you,” 

He doesn’t say why the declaration of love in the late hours of the night in the parking lot of Geek & Sundry. They both know why. Sam lends over kisses him. He couldn’t save Vax. Vax will die next week because of him. 

But Liam inbetween kiss is muttering a declaration of love over and over into their shared breath.   
And it was okay. 

(They don’t go to their wives that night. They go to a empty house, that they know going in is without the rest of their family, and Liam presses him into the bed and takes him apart in between whispered “i love yous”)

The bottle they were drinking from is empty and Sam is crying. He loves Liam, and he really hopes people know that. Liam has a goofy smile on his face as their pressed together in Sam’s recording booth. Sam is crying because he loves Liam and he loves his family and he hopes everyone has something like that. 

(Liam wraps the episode of All Work, No Play and crashes into Sam, their teeth clashing together in a hungry kiss. It’s not their proudest moment, having hurried sex in the recording booth in Sam’s house.)

Amy is dressed in a blue skirt. Their stepping together in a slightly off beat dance to the music flowing threw Amy and Liam’s apartment.   
She’s really pretty is the thought rushing threw his head. 

Q is laughing at their messy four square dance in the background, and he can hear Liam shuffling around them.   
After a minute or two, just before the song ends a weight is pressed into Sam’s back and Liam’s voice is in his ear whispering dirty secrets and pressing a kiss into his neck. 

Surrounded by his favorite people, Sam realized that he loved them. Equally and completely. 

(It would eventually dissolves into the four of them having sex pressed skin to skin on the couch in the living room. This was how most things ended when they were left alone with nothing better to do when they were in their mid twenties. But it was that distinct moment that Sam realized that he had three people that he would do anything for at the drop of a hat)

(He loved them. And no one could take that from him)


End file.
